the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
