I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize