mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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