Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
