i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
