No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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