He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
