pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
