Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
