I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
