Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
