well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
