Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
