farters have to be the big spoon...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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