The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
