How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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