im holly from the hills drunk
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
