this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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