i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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