Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
