My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
How external is "for external use only"?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
