Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
