I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize