so that wasnt chicken after all
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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