do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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