By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
