No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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