why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
