Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
