I wannas sexs uuuuu
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
