Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
