this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
