apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
