Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
