only if we run a train.
done.
even my farts smell like vagina
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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