I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
