I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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