I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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