i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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