How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
