Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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