Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
