Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
