Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
too bad you live with your parents still
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
