Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
