dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
