You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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