i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
