I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
