I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
