dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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