Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
