Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
