that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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