Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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