let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize