Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"

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(917): View more from New York City

under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.

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(816): View more from Missouri

They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives

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(319): View more from Iowa

You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me

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(613): View more from Ontario

The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on

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(251): View more from Alabama

you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"

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(928): View more from Arizona

What's the plan?

(1-928): View more from Arizona

Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.

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