it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
