gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
