We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
