does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can't put those talents on a resume
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
