if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
