Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
