a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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