i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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