Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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