I have demons in me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
